Giacomo's (Boston)

In September, I went on a month long trip to Boston for an away rotation. Of course, I went to many different joints, located everywhere from South End to Brookline to Cambridge. I'll have all those up later in a dedicated Boston blog, but I had to give this particular restaurant its own blog. Why? Because I own this blog, and I can do whatever I want.

Giacomo's has two locations, one located in South End and one located in North End. People in the know say that the North End site is better, and curiously has a slightly different menu as well, so we went there around opening time at 5:00 PM. By this time, a line had already formed around the corner. "What gives?" I asked my cousin, the person who had originally turned me on to this little gem of a place. Apparently, Giacomo's does not take reservations, and it operates solely under a first-come, first-serve basis. Pretty arrogant, huh? Well, if they keep serving this type of food, I'd eat in the nude if they wanted me to.

After about an hour of waiting, we were finally taken inside the restaurant. As I entered, I was smacked across the face with the incredible aroma of spice, olive oil, freshly cooked pasta, and sex. Okay, not the last one. But it was so good, I literally could have eaten the scent of this place.

Making decisions on what to eat in a place like this is like choosing between children, but I managed to finally make a decision. I ordered mussels in Giacomo sauce, a spicy, slightly briny red sauce that took me by surprise with how much flavor it packed. You see, I am not easily impressed by red sauces. I'm just not a fan of tomatoes. But believe me when I tell you that I could have showered in this stuff. As for the main course, I ordered "butternut squash ravioli with diced asparagus in a prosciutto mascarpone cheese cream sauce." I was like Usher saying oh my god. Texture, flavor, aroma, portion size, balance...all done to perfection. And if that weren't enough, I tasted my cousin's fried calamari and lobster ravioli, which were all so luscious. Oh my god.

Friends, let me introduce to you only the second perfect rating ever given out in Battlefood history. Hooray!

Mussels in Giacomo Sauce

The Best Fried Calamari You've Ever Had

Butternut Squash Ravioli AKA Pillows Of Love

Rating: 5/5 showers of red sauce

Las Cazuelas

On a typical Friday night, General and I were once again debating our plans for dinner. As usual, I ended up getting my way, and we decided to trek up to NoLibs and try somewhere we had never been to before: Las Cazuelas. How a mexican restaurant (especially one with such a good review on Yelp) could slip through my obsessive searches boggles my mind, but once I read about this BYO tequila margaritas, it was decided. General Tso tried to imply that he had suggested this restaurant to me a couple times before, but he's wrong.

Upon arriving, we marveled at the adorable decor. I felt as though we weren't in Philly anymore. We picked up a bottle of tequila on the way and were presented with a pitcher of citrus margarita, which were fabulous. I had high hopes for the rest of the meal.

For appetizers, I got empanadas stuffed with oaxaca cheese and roasted poblano peppers. They were pretty good, but there were only two pieces, and they left more to be desired. Pretty typical. General got pork nachos, which I think was one of the specials. The plate was huge...like bigger than an entree (much less an appy) should be. Initially, he was impressed. But as he ate and ate, and then ate some more, he started feeling a bit woozy. And we didn't even get our entrees yet!

When the entrees did come out, we were barely halfway through our appys. General apparently likes feeling rushed, but not me. It was annoying. I got enchiladas with homemade award winning mole sauce, and General Tso got some sort of steak. My chicken enchiladas were okay; the sauce had a smoky chocolaty taste, which was very distinct, but got kind of old. General was unimpressed with the steak. He said it was sliced the wrong way and underdone. Plus he was still kind of sick from the pork. On the bright side, I got to drink all the margarita while he was moaning and groaning.

Nachos of Death

Empanadas

General Tso's take: Okay guys, let me give it to you straight. None of this sugar-coating that Napoleon likes to do. This was by far the worst restaurant we've gone to. Where do I begin? First they tempt you with an amazing ambiance, good service, and fun decorations. Then, they pound your stomach into submission with toxic meat.

First of all, the pork-topped plantain nachos, while a good idea, was way too big. Tasty, but big. As I was about halfway through, a strange feeling began developing in my belly. I felt a fever coming on. Was I nauseous, or just full? I tried to persevere.

Then, the main course came out. Recommended by our waitress, I felt that a steak was just what the doctor ordered. This skirt steak, however, was so rare I think they just lopped off a piece of cow from out back and put it on a hot plate. Blood dripped everywhere, like some cheesy horror flick. Except the only murder that night was the murder of my taste buds. To compound matters, they cut WITH the grain! "Oh let's see," the chef must have said to himself, "how can I make a tough cut of meat even tougher...eureka!"

Oh yeah, and I definitely got some sort of food poisoning that I had to live with (read: suffer through) for the next 24 hours. Hooray.

Rating: 2.8/5

A Very Quick Way...

...to tell Guy Fiere and Anne Burrell apart: Guy Fiere is the one with the mustache.

Anne Burrell

Guy Fiere...just look at that mustache!

A Very Quick Way...

...to tell Michael Symon and Michael Psilakis apart: the one who's smiling is Michael Symon.

Why So Serious, Psilakis?

Cantina Los Caballitos

Hmmm, sound familiar? Kind of like Cantina Dos Segundos, huh? Well, that's because it is! Kind of. Cantina Los Caballitos (Los Caballitos = horses) is the twin sister restaurant of Cantina Dos Segundos, located in South Philly. We told you we'd be back to Cantina Dos Segundos, and we did, kind of. The menu is the same, the specials are still written on blackboards, the food is still spectacular, the portions are still generous, the margaritas are still strong, but the ambiance is diametrically opposed to that of Cantina Dos Segundos.

As you approach CLC, you notice that it is much more unassuming on the outside than CDS. CDS, to me, will always be a daytime restaurant. With outdoor seating and massive windows, CDS is made for enjoying a hot summer day. CLC, on the other hand, has smaller windows, a cramped front door, and no outdoor seating. The crowd is jeans and blazers, not shorts and tees. Dimmed lights only added to the atmosphere.

However, that is where the contrast ends. As we sat down, we noticed the familiar dish ware, menu, and cutlery of CDS. The complimentary chips were accompanied by a salsa fresca and a salsa verde as usual. Despite being more crowded than our Battlefood fan listserve (I wish), the service was responsive, kind, and cute. Okay, Napoleon put in that last adjective. So let's get to the food.

The first course we got was pibil-style wings. Per wikipedia, "pibil involves marinating the meat in strongly acidic citrus juice, coloring it with annatto seed, and roasting the meat while it is wrapped in banana leaf." Of course, the wings had an intense citrus flavor and a wonderfully crunchy skin. They were accompanied by a citrus ranch sauce that quizzically did not wind up overdoing the citrus component. These were great wings to be sure, but unfortunately they lacked some spice. A habanero accent would have been well received. Napoleon's note: Dude, General Tso has dementia or something. There were two other types of wings there, including a chipotle orange, and one that I can't remember either. Whatever, at least I remembered there were three types on the plate.

Wings Three Ways

For entrees, Napoleon wound up getting some ho hum enchiladas. The best part: there were FOUR enchis on the plate, two chicken and two cheese. Amazing. I told you the portions were massive. I have to question her pick here, however. Why go to a restaurant with a reputation for creative specials as well as amazing regular entrees and order enchiladas. But, when all was said and done, they were delicious.

I, on the other hand, went for something a little more adventurous. Okay, I lied. I'm also being a hypocrite here because I ordered skirt steak (which, by the way, is an amazing cut of meat). However, let me redeem myself by letting you know that this particular dish was what inspired my "anyone can cook a steak" rant. Yes, the steak was great, but the real stars of the plate were the yucca fries. When fried, they reach a consistency and flavor similar to plantains, but a bit saltier. You don't need any sauce for these, just pop them in your mouth and enjoy the crispy exterior and the silky, savory yet slightly sweet interior.

Chicken and Cheese Enchiladas

Skirt Steak and Yucca Fries

Rating: 3.9/5 horses

Finale (Boston)

About a year ago (I can't believe it's been that long), my graduating friend and I went to visit a mutual friend up in Boston. We were inseparable in college, so it was nice to get the group back together. While reminiscing about that trip recently, I came across some photos I took of desserts from Finale, a "desserterie and bakery" (their words, not mine). I'm going to come out and say this right away: these are by far the best desserts I have ever tasted. The only thing that may top it is some tiramisu I had in Italy, which is saying a lot.

Finale itself is an upscale dessert bar. Think Max Brenner, but smaller and more intimate. You can either dine-in, or carry-out. As we were three manly men, we decided to carry-out, mostly because we didn't want anyone to hear our moans of pleasure. The only drawback is the price. The accompanying picture to this post represents $60 worth of food. However, the desserts are so decadent, rich, and heavy that these seemingly small samples lasted us 2.5 days. Also, the picture doesn't do the cakes justice. The larger ones are approximately 6 inches across and 3 inches deep, while the smaller ones are standard dessert portions for an upscale restaurant.

Like, I said, it's been a year, but I can still remember each dessert as if it were yesterday (okay, the picture I took doesn't hurt). We ordered the Finale cheesecake (upper left), Boston cream pie (upper right), carrot cake (center), a death-by-chocolate cake (bottom left; no longer on the menu, apparently), and another Boston cream pie (bottom right). I'd take the time to tell you about each of them, but let's just say they were all amazing. The smooth creams topping the fluffy cakes, the beautiful fondant decorations, and the simple (but not simplistic) presentation made for a perfect dessert. I will say this much, I literally fed my friend the Finale cheesecake on the drive back from Boston to Philly. We didn't care if we looked like a couple who had traveled to Massachusetts to become life partners, the cake was that good.

Diabetes In A Box

Rating: 4.3/5 dessert life partners

Homemade Sushi

General Tso here, back home in Virginia on a two-week vacation before classes start up again. To surprise me, mi madre hunted down some ingredients for homemade sushi! I love that woman. We made some together, and though the final product looks like a little, um, "special," the taste was great.

Here's what you'll need:

1. Nori (Some notes here: do not get the 2 inch squares that some markets sell. You will need whole sheets to do this right. I'm not sure about the measurements, but 8 x 10 inches sounds about right. Also, nori is actually made from algae, NOT seaweed, so don't let anyone tell you that you need "seaweed sheets.")
2. Sticky rice (Soak some rice in warm water for an hour or overnight, and then steam them for 20 minutes. For some added taste, sprinkle with rice wine vinegar.)
3. Avocado
4. Sushi grade fish (Tuna is definitely the easy option here, but you could always be adventurous and use Fugu.)
5. Pickled veggies (Again, do whatever you want. It's your sushi, and you'll cry if you want to.)
6. Wasabi (Please don't get the ready-made paste. If you want pre-grated, that's fine, but if you can grate your own, you're an all-star baller.)
7. Soy sauce
8. Pickled ginger

The recipe is easy. You need a bamboo mat, by the way, which come pretty cheap. Start out by laying your nori sheet out on the mat, with the longitudinal axis of the nori in parallel with the long axis of the mat. Have the edge of the nori overlapping the edge of the bamboo mat where you plan to start rolling.

Now, lay out the stick rice on the nori so that it comes just to the edge. You want the thickness of the layer to be a little more than half a centimeter (yes that's metric, and no, I'm not converting to the English system; welcome to the 21st century).

In the center of the sticky rice layer, start putting down ingredients in a thin row parallel to the short axis of the mat/nori/rice. Use less than you think you should! Of course, we used avocado, some wasabi, pickled veggies, and cooked catfish (mother dear was scared to use uncooked fish). If you want Philly style sushi, then add some cream cheese.

Finally, roll that sucker up really tight, but do not put downward pressure on the roll. You don't want sushi guts spilling out onto your counter. Trust me, if you wrap tight enough, the mat will put pressure on the ingredients and fuse them together. Once fully formed, unwrap the mat and voila! But wait, there's more...

Now that you have this log of goodness in front of you, you need to carefully and meticulously cut it into six pieces. This is where a sushi knife comes in handy, but according to Alton Brown, they can be pretty pricey. Just make sure you have your sharpest chef's knife with you. Please don't use a serrated blade. This ain't bread, homeslice. Bisect the log, and then lay the hemi-logs in parallel and cut each into thirds. Top with pickled ginger and soy sauce, and enjoy!

Please don't laugh at my "special" sushi.

New Search Function!

Good day, fine fans of Battlefood. Please direct your attention to the right side of your screen. There, you will find a delightful new search function. It is sleak, sexy, and - dare I say it - useful! Now all our reviews, battlefoods, homemade recipes, and whimsical rants are just a few clicks away.

Also, if you scroll to the very bottom of the page, you'll see a link which gives you the option to follow us via RSS. I know one of our three fans was asking about this, and, as usual, we made good on our promise.

We would be more than happy to incorporate other functions you think would be useful, so don't hesitate to comment on this post and let us know about the wonders of the interwebs.

Wedding Food and Fun

Catered food gets a bad rap. Anytime I'm eating food at a big event, I have lowered expectations for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm eating too fast to notice the taste. Or maybe it's because I have no control over what I order. But mainly, I have it stuck in my mind that food shouldn't taste good if it's mass produced.

General Tso and I recently attended my cousin's wedding at the Downtown Marriott in Philadelphia. Yeah the bride and groom were great, and the wedding was beautiful, yada yada yada...but who cares, let's talk about the food! The cocktail hour and reception were both catered by Bukhara Grill in NYC, which was exciting because I'm not too impressed by any of the options for Indian food here in Philly.

The appetizers at the cocktail hour consisted of classic Indian street food with a twist. At one table, cooks were making mini tacos to order. The tacos were composed of a choice of filling (chicken, lamb, or paneer), onions and cilantro (straight from a taqueria!), and mint chutney. I loved the Mexican influence on the Indian ingredients. Genius! (Although, they did steal my idea for our wedding. By the way, I think General just pissed himself on hearing the words "our wedding.") The tacos were well balanced, with the saltiness of the chicken and spiciness the chutney. I think General and I ate 15 of them between the two of us. General's note: Napoleon ate 14, I ate 1.

At other tables, chefs were putting together more traditional street food like samosas, papdi chat (fried wafers, potatoes, and chickpeas with a yogurt and tamarind chutney sauce), chana masala (chick peas in curry sauce), and pakoras (fried vegetables). All the dishes won me over because they were just so flavorful. To top off the cocktail hour, waiters were passing out adorable hors d'oeurves. All of them were delicious, from spring rolls to chicken wings to mini quiches. I really felt this accentuated the traditional-meets-modern India theme (and my buzz). As you can tell, I was really impressed with the cocktail hour menu. And I felt the colorful food really matched well with the beautiful colors of an Indian wedding. Next time I'm in NYC, I'm definitely checking out Bukhara Grill.

Bottom Right: Amazing Indian Tacos

Clockwise from top right: Mini Quiche, Papdi Chat, Parkoras, Chana Masala, and Samosa

I complimented one of the chefs on the appetizers, and he replied, "Wait until you see what we have in store for dinner." I'd love to share with you how the reception buffet was, but unfortunately I can't remember due to the open bar. And I was also too busy dancing with General Tso and my family that I forgot about battlefooding. Oops! I'm sure you'll forgive me. Hope you guys are enjoying all the recent posts! Don't forget to leave comments. Here's a question for everyone: do you think catered food should be held to a lower standard than a regular meal at a nice restaurant?

Distrito

To celebrate the World Cup, Distrito - Iron Chef Jose Garces's cantina in University City - is offering a 3-for-$12 appetizer and drink special. As this special coincided with the end of our school year, Napoleon, myself, and ten of our closest classmates rooted against the blokes and chaps from England as they battled Algeria, all while engorging ourselves with Garces's sumptuous offerings.

Initially, we were not impressed with the special. Choose any three from the following seven items: Nachos Ignacio (I feel it's my duty to let you know that there is a San Ignacio district in Peru), Chicken Alambres, Salsa Mexicana, two types of margaritas, an awful concoction that had everyone aghast (more on this later), and sangria.

Being the gluttonous pig that I am, I wound up ordering all the food options as my three choices. And being the alcoholic that she is, Napoleon ordered three drinks for her selections. Everyone at the table felt awkward at this point, so we decided to share the food and drinks...trust me, neither of us was happy with this decision.

The (vegetarian) nachos were amazing. Although served plainly in a paper tray, the meal was colorful and savory. Ribbons of pickled jalapeños, watercress, black beans, roasted red pepper, and sour cream combined with several cheeses (definitely some jack in there) to ignite the taste buds and dazzle the retina. If there's something I've noticed about the best food I've eaten, it's that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, and that was the case with these nachos.

The Salsa Mexicana was delicious. Cilantro speckled this well-balanced, chunky salsa fresca which was served alongside tortilla chips presented in a chrome bowl. I have to say, the chrome bowl itself was somewhat off-putting. I was expecting something creative, but also appetizing. In any case, that's a marginal concern for one of the best salsas in Philadelphia.

Finally, the Chicken Alambres was served with what can only be a Peruvian pesto. I want to say it was chimmichurri, but it seemed a little thick for that. By the way, "alambres" means skewers in Peruvian, typically used for anticuchos (cut, stewed meat). The chicken was tender and moist, in contrast to other skewered meats I've complained about previously. It appeared to be grilled, but with "alambres" in the name, I'm wondering if it was stewed. I can't imagine stewed chicken being this moist on the inside with no hint of a gravy/stew on the outside. Garces, your authenticity is being questioned here. A final verdict on this dish: average, and I'd rather go with two orders of nachos and one order of salsa if we're playing within the rules of the World Cup special.

As a last note, please avoid the "El Chupito," the potent potable I mentioned earlier. A shot of tequila poured into a beer sounds nice at first, until you're choking down the poison sip by sip, destroying the lining of your esophagus in the process.

Salsa Mexicana, Nachos Ignacio, and Beverages

Chicken Alambres (Sideways, For Some Reason)

Rating: 3.8 Peruvian districts (Please note, this is a rating of the World Cup special, and not the restaurant itself. Its only comparison should be the Aki happy hour review and the upcoming Center City Sips review...ooooh what a tease, what a tease.)

Sea Isle City Extravaganza

Recently, my madré got a sweet deal from a coworker on a beach house in Sea Isle City located on the Jersey shore. So General, 10 other friends, and I decided to shack up for a weekend in April and try to replicate all the events of "The Jersey Shore" in two days. Seeing this as another opportunity to expand our culinary horizons, we took many pictures of the local cuisine. Here's a review of our trip.

On the first morning of our trip, we woke up in our musty, moist cabin feeling quite generous. Using some pancake batter, frozen strawberries/blueberries, whipped cream, and a waffle iron, we made waffles with fruit topping for the rest of the crew. Apparently these did NOT hit the spot, as an hour later we wound up at a Mexican restaurant named Red Sky Cafe. Sounds dreamy, huh?

Well, despite being expensive, the food was intolerably mediocre. I ordered a chicken relleno, which was wholly forgettable, seeing as how I've forgotten about it...wholly. The General ordered blue-corn encrusted crabcakes, which sounds good, but unfortunately were falling apart at the seams and were un-enhanced by the accompanying spicy sauce. He cried for Maryland that night. The only dish that we wound up liking were a friend's pork carnitas, but going 1-for-10 is not a great batting average.

Chicken Relleno

Blue Corn Encrusted Crabcakes

In order to redeem ourselves, we planned a birthday dinner for a friend at a local seafood restaurant (name unknown...sorry...might be "Carmen's"). This place was actually pretty good. I had some mussels for an appetizer, followed by some pasta with scallops. As for the General, he chowed down on some more linguini with seafood. While it didn't make me play "Under The Sea" on a flute, the dishes were flavorful and satisfying. Even better, it was a BYOB. Too bad we can't remember the name. This is unforgivable. I blame the General, and you should, too.

(BTW, to sex up the night, we went to a bar next door where we ran into the "Real Desperate Housewives of New Jersey!")

Various Seafood Dishes

Overall Trip Rating: 3.5/5 Desperate Housewives (Rating is for food, NOT for the amazing time we had with all our friends...awwww :-*)

Pura Vida

Pura vida, translated, means "pure life." Apparently this is a commonly used phrase in Costa Rica, meaning "life is good." Well, life is good if you're eating at this restaurant, located in Northern Liberties within walking distance from 2nd and Girard. While I vetoed this restaurant initially (because we've reviewed WAY too many restaurants with a Latin theme), I found it to be on par with some other impressive Mexican restaurants such as Cafe con Chocolat, but a step or two below Cantina dos Segundos and of course, Las Bugumbilias.

Unfortunately, the restaurant did not make a good first impression. We actually had to pay for our chips and salsa, which were of poor quality anyway. Now, you might think I'm a cheapskate, but let's get one thing straight: you should be able to eat as many chips as you want at a Mexican restaurant without being charged. I don't do all this work to get charged for fried mesa patties and spicy tomato broth! My God, you think the Native Americans charged the Pilgrims for theirs mesa? This is just un-American behavior.

Chips and Salsa a la Benedict Arnold

So our friend, who accompanied us to Northern Liberties to check out a "food festival," (about 10 booths and very little food), ordered the steak fajitas. I think the word fajitas is funny, especially if you pronounce the "j." Anyway, he said he liked them, and it looked like it was good. Okay, okay, you caught me. Clearly I don't recall anything about this dish, which may be a good or bad thing. In any case, here's the picture:

Steak Fajitas

Napoleon ordered one of the appetizers, the restaurant's namesake, as her main dish. A classic money-saving move by this notorious cheapskate, said the hypocrite. It turned out to be very creative and also quite tasty. I think I'll let her comment on her own dish, as I couldn't do it justice, as I only had a bite or two and was enraptured by my own dish (details to come; keep your pants and diaper on).

Pura Vida

Finally, I ordered a dish whose name I cannot find on menupages.com right now. But let me describe this succulent creation for you. They start with lobster ravioli and then top them with sauteed shrimp. Finally, the whole mess is doused in a tangy, savory, and altogether amazing white wine butter sauce accented with herbs. This dish would have been a perfect ten if not for some oversights, which downgraded the dish to just excellent. First, the shrimp were clearly overcooked. On top of that, the lobster ravioli were just sub par. I can't tell whether they were missing a certain flavor, or if they just didn't go well with the butter sauce, but there was just something off about it, kind of like Napoleon's face! Pwned! Ahem. Finally, and I know I'm being very picky here, but there was just too much sauce. It was nearly a soup! Trust me, I like my butter as much as the next guy, but it overpowered every flavor on the plate.

Shrimp in Butter Sauce

It's hard to judge this restaurant overall. As I said before, it's definitely on par with some other above average restaurants, but there are just little things here and there that keep it from being great. The dishes are creative, but, as was the case with my dish, they just overdid some aspects. You have to pay for terrible chips and salsa. The dishes were just missing that special something. And finally, the service was inattentive at best. Still, the flavor of the dishes won us over, and I would be happy to eat here again.

Rating: 3.5 pure lifes

Aki

Greetings food enthusiasts and Battlefood addicts! I apologize for the lengthy wait between updates. Unfortunately, despite a six week pseudo-sabbatical from school, Napoleon apparently did not feel the need to publish any reviews. We gave thought to taking her out back Ol' Yeller-style, but apparently there are laws against these sort of things. In any case, I've come back to sate your hunger for the best that Philly has to offer.

Today we're looking at a Japanese restaurant on 12th and Walnut called Aki. One of our dear friends has taken a job there as a hostess, and so we thought we'd make sure the place didn't close down and force our friend into the unemployment queue. Aki had a great happy hour, with half-priced starters, beers, and sushi rolls, so we paid our friend a visit and ate a cheap meal, all while enjoying global warming.

Napoleon had three dishes, including edamame, chicken yakitori, and avocado salad. I had bites of each, and I'll briefly cover them. Ed's mommy is pretty standard. I'm sooooo glad we spent $2 on un-shucked soy beans. Seriously, though, I'll never understand this concept. Anyone who orders edamame is a chump. Sorry, Napoleon. The chicken had a tasty sweet and tangy sauce ("house sauce" AKA soy sauce + honey), but the chicken was horribly over-cooked. I'll repeat my thoughts from the Cava review: chicken skewers will always lead to overcooked chicken. Finally Napoleon struck gold by getting the avocado salad. The sauce was perfect, and the avocado was fresh and creamy. I only wish there was more of it.

Avocado Salad

Chicken Yakitori

I feel like I was very picky in choosing my dishes, yet I also was disappointed to some degree. My starters included duck spring rolls, gyoza, and soft-shell crab tempura. The duck spring rolls are the only dish I would go back to Aki to sample. They were perfectly crispy, the duck was tender, and the accompanying sauce was cleverly (or cheese-ily, depending on how you look at it) based on duck sauce. The gyoza, which means dumpling in Japanese, was a pork dumpling served with soy sauce. This was spot on, but lacked the bite of charred pasta shells I love in my dumplings. It was another good dish, to be fair, but I can get the same flavor from those Costco pot-stickers. Finally, the soft-shell crab tempura was oily and salty, and, in an egregious mistake, paired with soy sauce. Someone back there in Aki royally messed this one up. What were they thinking? "Hmmm, you know what'd be great? Let's make the tempura as salty as possible, and then serve it with a sauce whose flavor is primarly salty!" [licks finger and points it in air] "Championship!"

Duck Spring Rolls

Gyoza

Soft-Shell Crab Tempura

To wrap up: Aki provided cheap eats (during a happy hour) with mediocre flavor. Get the spring duck rolls and the avocado salad. Watch out for Ed's Mommy, chump.

Rating: 3.3/5.0 chumps

Tabu

To celebrate the start of march madness, General Tso and I decided to try out the new gayborhood sports bar, Tabu. We had already been to Mikey's, the sister (brother?) bar to Tabu, and had liked the food, so we were expecting good things. The place was crowded with men when we got there, but there were a few open tables, and we were seated right away. There's 3 nice flat screens in the back area where the tables are, and I was pleased that each was playing a different second-round game, but I don't think 3 TVs is enough to call yourself a sports bar.

They had an NCAA drink special, which was pretty unique: 64 cocktails, each designed after one of the teams in the tourney. The General got a neon green long island iced tea, which represented Michigan State, but I didn't have the balls to try something new, so I opted for a beer. To share, General Tso and I got 10 buffalo hot and 10 Jim Beam bourbon wings. We didn't agree which ones were better, so I ended up eating 9 buffalo and 1 bourbon wing. Overall, I thought the wings were meaty and had great flavor. Plenty of crunchy carrots too!

Wings

For my entree, I ordered an appetizer, cajun battered cauliflower with parmesan dipping sauce. Unfortunately, the cauliflower came out at the same time as the wings, so they were cold by the time I tried them. They were ok; I expect much more from a dish with the words "cajun" and "batter" in it. I couldn't taste any cajun, and the parmesan dipping sauce was bland. I think there were too many bites for the dish to be an entree. It probably would have been received much better if it was shared as an appetizer, as it was meant to be.

Fried Cauliflower

General Tso pounded his flank steak sandwich; I barely had time to snap a picture. According to him, it was really good and very tasty. However, he is on his "anyone can cook good steak" kick, so he thought it was nothing special. I wouldn't know, since I rarely eat steak.

Flank Steak Sandwich

After dinner, we headed downstairs to find an empty pool table. Score! We found the poles to play with, but there were no balls in sight. Highly disappointing. The manager kindly informed us that someone had stolen the balls. Maybe they should think of a new system to keep track of their balls. I probably wouldn't go back to this sports bar unless they found their balls. They didn't have enough TVs to watch Sunday NFL football, and you can't beat Fox and Hound's never ending chips.

Rating: 3/5 girly cocktails

Rant: Steaks Are Boring

That's right, I said it. Steaks are boring. They're monotonous, and I'm tired of them. I always used to say that there's nothing better than a perfectly cooked steak, but you know what? Everyone and their mother can cook a steak perfectly. It really doesn't take that much skill to press your thumb on a piece of meat. That's what she said.

The worst part about them is that after you're done, you feel like Jabba the Hutt, and you're a little lighter in the wallet because steaks are usually the priciest item on the menu. You can't even dress them up, because steaks are always worse with an accompaniment. The only thing that should really be on a steak is salt, pepper, and MAYBE butter. My friend's stupid cat can even do that.

My Friend's Cat Might Have The IQ Of Sand

But He Can Cook A Steak

General Tso Takes A Bite Out Of The Big Apple

As you know, I love the edible. So you may be surprised to find out that I have never once eaten at a restaurant in New York City. And yet, because of my stubborn side, I will tell anyone that listens that Philadelphia has the best restaurant scene on the eastern seaboard. Of course, this is a bald-faced lie, but at least I say it with confidence.

So when a former college friend invited me to stay with him for a weekend up in the East Village of Manhattan, I decided to make amends for my deceitful past and pit The City against Phildadelphia's smaller but nonetheless impressive line-up of restaurants.

As soon as I stepped out of my bus in the near vicinity of Penn Station, I was greeted with restaurants as far as the eye could see. Diners, dives, (no drive-ins; sorry Guy Fiere), lounges, five-stars, bars, penthouses, cafes, grease trucks...on and on with no end in sight. Was this some sort of fantasy? Did I die and go to gastric heaven? Or was this reality, with every block a culinary adventure? With excitement mounting within my loins, I set off to take a bite out of the Big Apple (and I don't even like apples). My only regret is that I didn't have Napoleon by my side to guide my decisions.

I told my gracious host that I wanted to sample the heart and soul of New York; the core of the apple, if you will. I wanted to sample what New York was known for. Of course, we wound up at a quaint Italian restaurant called Posto that specialized in thin-crust pizza. The irony! And yet, I couldn't have asked for a better start to the weekend.

I wound up getting cheesy garlic bread and a personal thin-crust pizza with pepperoni, sausage, and red onions. Maybe I was just hungry from the 2 hour bus ride, but these were amazing. They tasted incredible, with fresh ingredients and hints of EVOO throughout. I am drooling as I write this...although, this could also be due to a mini-stroke from my eating habits.

Cheesy Garlic Bread

Pizza Pizza

Later that night, we went to a local, hip spot named Vamos! (Note: the exclamation point is part of the restaurant's name; I am not screaming at you...yet.) Also located in the East Village, this Mexican restaurant seemed to be a copy of one of those Steven Starr joints, like Alma de Cuba, where the ambiance is more important than the food. I was pleasantly surprised, however, at the creativity of the food. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures as the lighting was poor, and, as my friend with a Droid was quick to remind me, my iPhone does not come equipped with a flash. Well screw you, dear friend!

In any case, I'll try to paint you a picture with words. Like Shakespeare, only better. The (free) chips came in small paper bags, which wicked away the oil from the frying. Very clever. And on presentation it appeared to be like street food. My dish was a lamb burrito with a tangy chipotle sauce. Yes, it was interesting in description, but unfortunately the chef did nothing to temper the gaminess of the meat, as is so often done in Indian cooking. I don't think lamb was a good choice for a burrito preparation, but in their defense, it was cooked very well, and the sauce won me over.

Finally, after a long night of doing the "Night at the Roxbury" along the walls of some of NYC's nicest clubs, we decided to cure the ills of our hangover with some Indian food. My host recommended a nice South Indian restaurant called Tiffin Wala, which means "of the tiffin" in Hindi. Trust me, it makes sense in the original language. For appys, we got samosas (blah) and papri chaat (double blah). They were like any other samosas and chaat I've had before . While my friends ordered dosas for entrees, I decided to take a different route and order a paneer uttapam (basically a savory cheese pancake served with chutney). While not necessarily a blockbuster, the restaurant was consistently good, with nary a below average dish among our samplings. I approved as I went into liver failure.

Samosas

Papri Chaat

Masala Dosa

Paneer Uttapam

NYC's rating: 4/5 apple bites (with more than enough potential to achieve a 5)